I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
