I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
