Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I've blown a few things in my day
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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