he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
