oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
