You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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