i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
