just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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