Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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