she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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