How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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