I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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