There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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