Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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