I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
