One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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