New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
what day is it and did you see me today?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
