Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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