I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
