the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
