I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
he had hair everywhere except his balls
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
