bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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