i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
