Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize