"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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