Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
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