you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
