well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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