haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
