dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
