well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
