her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
