She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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