Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
