i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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