I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize