hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
