one two three fourrrrnication!
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
