I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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