Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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