Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Randomize
