Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
