I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
