I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
