PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
