i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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