One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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