Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She said her name was "party"
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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