I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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