That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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