theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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