You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
