sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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