Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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