You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
