She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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