yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Your cock deserves a montage
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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