I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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