i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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