So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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