For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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