she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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