If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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