I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
