She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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