i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
