we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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