1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
