I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
