is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
