Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
