he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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