I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
