This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
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I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
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Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I touched a dick in church today
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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