I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
