Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
