respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
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I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
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This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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