can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
