If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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