so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
