There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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