A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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