you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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