I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
