either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
