I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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