Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize