She went from zero to smokin in five shots
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
