He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
