So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Randomize
