So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Let's get the cat blown out
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
