I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
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Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
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I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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