Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
