I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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